the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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