I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
