He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Randomize
