he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
