so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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