The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
