mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize