So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
