for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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