if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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