Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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