I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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