Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
