there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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