Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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