it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
