If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
