u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So vagazzling was a success
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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