I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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