She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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