Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize