Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can Purell be used as lube?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
