Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize