The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he shaved USA in his pubs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
