I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So many bounce houses so little time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
