it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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