I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
