so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So vagazzling was a success
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
