we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
