with your own penis?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
