and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
