I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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