Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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