it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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