He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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