Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize