Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
