That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
