I should be sponsored by Trojan
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
