Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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