I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
