and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
