I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize