Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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