She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
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