guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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