hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
