and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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