It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
