Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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