I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
