So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
