Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
