she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
