After last night, I could never be a politician.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
