we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
did i just pee glitter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
