Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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