The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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