I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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