i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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