not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
