Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
