I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
