i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
