i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
