I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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