She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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