dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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