So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
