hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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