i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
