i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
