I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
