I heard we made out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
