Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
