Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it penis luge time yet?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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