i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
