It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
